


Ring It On

by ahappyphil



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Humor, M/M, if that’s something that weirds you out, liveshow, mention of poop, yall idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 21:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21125180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahappyphil/pseuds/ahappyphil
Summary: @danielhowell: come hang out with dizzle and pizzle while we tell you the true life tale of how phil desecrated our marriage





	Ring It On

@danielhowell: _ come hang out with dizzle and pizzle while we tell you the true life tale of how phil desecrated our marriage _

They’re huddled up on the couch, closer than they technically need to be. 

“Hello everyone joining in from twitter!” Phil breaks out his camera smile as Dan fiddles with the laptop camera. “Can you hear us? Can you see us?” 

Once he’s in frame, Dan gives a shit eating grin to the camera “Hohoh, have we got a humdinger for you tonight”

Phil shoots him a glare and shoves him in the shoulder. “Actually shut up”

“So, as you might have seen earlier this week, we had to make a quick trip to A&E. I..uhhh…had a bit of an incident. I-“

“PHIL ATE HIS WEDDING RING”. Dan lets out a hyena laugh as Phil buries his face in his hands.

“Hey! I didn’t eat it”

“Well it’s been inside you”

Phil is trying desperately not to smile and to hold in the plethora of ridiculous jokes he could make about what else has been inside where. He gives a dramatic sigh and an eye roll as he begins the tale.

“So, we were on the train back from visiting Dan’s family. It was earlier than I’m used to being awake and _ someone _ waited until the last minute to pack, so I hadn’t had my coffee”

“Stop making excuses and get on with it, man” 

“Anyway! I ended up dozing off as soon as we left the station. Something about the vibrations of a train lull me to sleep I think, it’s like a butt massager”

Dan shoots him a glare, then stares at the camera unblinkingly.

Phil continues.

“In my dream, some robbers had boarded the train. So it was like real life, but not...because it was a dream. Dan was still sat next to me and I’m like properly freaking out, right. Obviously, because robbers!”

Dan interrupts him and snickers. “Even dream Phil goes into meerkat mode when faced with strangers”

“So anyway, they’re almost at our cabin and Dan tells me that they’re going to take our valuables. And obviously I don’t want that! He tells me that they’re going to steal my wedding ring. Why mine and no one else's, who knows, but now I’m thinking about them like ripping off my fingers or something!” Phil mimes the act with his hands, and accidentally makes a crude gesture at the camera. 

After Dan has pulled his hands down off camera, he continues. “Then Dan tells me to swallow my ring so the thieves wouldn’t get it, and that made sense to dream me. But I guess it also made sense to real life me as well as I woke up choking”

Dan breaks out in a loud obnoxious laugh as if he’s hearing this for the first time. “I still can’t believe you did that, you idiot!”

“Where were you when I was about to face my doom? You could have saved me, Dan!”

“I was busy reading a very interesting Wikipedia article, which you very rudely interrupted with your drama.” Dan flails his hands around for emphasis. 

“I was DYING. You could have been a widower, you know!”

“Oh god, how embarrassing would that be. Having to tell people how my husband died being a buffoon before we even made it a year…” His lips twitch up just a bit as the word ‘husband’

Phil rolls his eyes and shushes him. “So we’ve still got about half an hour until our train arrives home in London, so we can’t do anything but frantically google what to do.”

“Spoiler alert: that baby’s gotta come out one of two directions, and Phil’s iron stomach was already working on digesting the symbol of our love along with about five pounds of my Nana’s cakes”

“That was some really good cake as well! Dan’s grandma knows how to bake. Like five stars on the sweets.”

“I’m telling Kath you said that. Anyway, back to the wedding ring colon adventure…”

“Daaan! Gross.Stop it!”

“What? I’m simply explaining the anatomy of what was happening. Trying to make your filth educational”

“So, at this point my stomach is hurting pretty bad, and I’m not sure if it’s just anxiety or the frickin’ ring wreaking havoc in my intestine, but we decided to go ahead to A&E when we get home anyway as I’m not really sure what to do in this situation, and I don’t want to just wait and see what happens.”

“Watching Phil explain how it happened was pretty entertaining tbh”

“I felt like that lady was fully judging me”

“Of course she was! Who wouldn’t?!?”

“She’s supposed to be a medical professional! Bedside manner and all that!”

Phil pauses for a second to read the chat and points out the people agreeing with him. “See! She giggled and everything. I had a medical emergency!”

“Molly said ‘send them an angry DM, Phil’. Mmmm don’t see him doing that. You’d have to retell the whole thing to a new person who’ll judge you.” Dan shrugs and sits back to let Phil finish the story.

“Basically, the doctor said to give a chance to uhhh...pass...naturally. And if it doesn’t, they would have to go in and get- ”

Dan’s laughs drown out the rest of his sentence. Once he collects himself he announces “So we spent two days on Phil poop watch.” Tears are rolling down his face.

“I hate you. I fully hate you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. S’not funny, babe.” Dan stifles another giggle.

“Anyway, everything...came out okay. I’m fine. Luckily no internal injuries or anything.”

“Yeah, good thing Phil didn’t go with the matching ten carot diamond set I originally wanted, cause ouchies.”

“Please shut up.” Phil buries his bright red face into Dan’s shoulder, severely undermining the bite in his voice.

Dan reads the chat while Phil recovers from the embarrassment. “Someone asked if you kept the ring. Yes, but we got it cleaned _ very _ well. Y’all know Phil’s too cheap to get a brand new wedding ring, and now this one has a fun story we can tell for years.”

Phil pulls himself up and shakes his finger in Dan’s face.“We are never telling this story ever again! Can we please talk about something else?”

“Fiiine, I’ll stop because I’m a good husband who would never make fun at your expense.” His hand is over is heart and he bats his eyelashes at Phil, then they both proceed to fake gag.

“‘Tell us about your visit to Reading!’ says George. Yes! It was good! I got in some quality Colin cuddles and Dan got jealous.” 

“Hey! That was unfair. Colin betrayed me. All it took was a treat and an ear scratch, and I was left all alone on the couch. It wasn’t a bad trip. Phil stuffed his face with cakes and somehow managed to charm my family into being the favorite.” 

“It’s ‘cause I’m so darn loveable, Dan.” Phil pokes his dimple, “That’s why you married me!”

“I married you because I would worry for your general safety if I wasn’t there to save you from yourself.”

“Whatever you say, love.”

**Author's Note:**

> Phil ruined this for me by talking about the news story before I could finish the fic. Damn you Phil!
> 
> Reblog [here](https://ahappydnp.tumblr.com/post/188500599806/ring-it-on-g-12k-summary-danielhowell-come) :)


End file.
